1. a cool job that makes waking up early in the morning so much easier.

2. a job that allows me to be with my family (and dogs) everyday.

3. a goal that I'm confident I can achieve.

4. a wonderful ninong-- my Tito Roland.

5. a wonderful ninang-- my Tita Patty.

6. an uncle (Tito Gabby) whose principles inspire me to lead a good and admirable life.

7. Mama Lubelle who treats me like her own daughter.

8. my cousin Quittie, whom I rarely see but always makes herself available when I need a friend to confide with.

9. my friend Mitch, who's always there for me, and whom I can relate to so much.

10. my BFF Anj, whom I have been friends with for seven years now.

11. new friends at work who make me howl with laughter during my free time. (Our faculty room looks more like a carnival when we're there.)

12. being in the process of achieving financial freedom-- I'm finally able to establish a good savings plan.

13. my reliable Wi-Fi connection that makes my life so much more convenient.

14. good looks (and genes...hehe).

15. having the courage to finally get out of a shitty situation.

16. classes to go to every Saturday.

17. new friends in school-- Ate Llane and Zardon who are so fun to be with and are both very helpful.

18. knowing about the "Law of Attraction".

19. a mom who takes care of me everyday.

20. doggies that are both sooooo adorable.

21. a new friend and breakfast buddy-- Kristyl.

22. a wonderful little brother who never complains.

23. a little sister whom I am able to talk to about random things before we doze off at night.

24. a kuya whose jokes make me laugh my ass off all the time, my jaw hurts...

25. a kuya (Yes, he's the same person I mentioned in #24.) who loves and protects me.

26. a dad whom I can always run to when I need extra dough.

27. an in-house carinderia that serves kwek-kwek and barbecue and all those other things I love pigging out to.

28. a lead person (at work) who's genuine and always helps me out.

29. finding my passion at 23. Woohoo.

30. an acquaintance whose wavelength is the same level as mine, and is really fun to talk to.

31. students who inspire me to do my job well.

32. a cool PC.

33. that stranger who offered to share with me his ABCTE practice CD for a minimal fee.

34. the Biology book that I borrowed, that made me re-discover my love for Science.

35. an almost photographic memory. (Yeah!!!!!!!!)

 Note: This is in no particular order.

This year is really a great one. I can't believe it's soon comin' to an end. I mean, how fast time flies. Really. It seems like yesterday my ACS friends and I were partying like Rockstars pre-X'mas eve. Haha. Wow. This year, I was finally able to gather the courage to take step one of chasing my dream. I'm now a teacher, and gaud I'm loving every minute of it. There's no other job that can make me smile every morning like I won the lottery. I mean, that's really a big deal for me 'cozback in the day my defaut face in the morning looked like this-->. So, I must really love this job like hell, huh?

Also, this year I was able to buy myself a PC that I can truly call my own, haha. And this other gadget that really rocks. I dunno, it's like after 2 years of procrastinating, I finally stood up and made things happen. These are just some of the things that make me say "This year rocks.."

But the highlight of the year is: I've decided I'm gonna be a biology teacher in twenny-oh-eight so there, I registered to take the board exam for that. I have started reviewing a bit, and you know what? I'm really enjoying it. I'm so excited over sem break. It's really gonna do big progress in my review. Plan to take it April 08 pa... so I have no reason to flunk. Generally, I'm so happy with how well things are going for me, and I'm excited (beyond words) over the life I'm 'bout pursue.

As for the past.. I can say without a trace of bitterness that I have already moved on completely. Now I can say that I've finally reached that magic moment when I'd randomly come across something that'd remind me of a certain moment my ex and I shared together, and just smile and look back at it fondly without anymore wishing that we were still together, or we could have made it work. I've finally come to accept (and yeah, I'm sorry it took me an eternity to chronicle this event...I was busy with work you know) that we're not meant for each other, and that greater love would someday come my way. I guess the key to moving on and really just feeling good about yourself and your life in general is learning to be comfortable being alone first and loving yourself unconditionally.. dreaming your own dreams and not adopting someone else's.. being selfish about the time you spend on YOURSELF.. appreciating even the little blessings that come your way.. and being just generally HAPPY. Whenever he crosses my mind these days, I don't feel bad about the demise of our relationship any longer. Neither do I feel sick when I remember the times he'd been an a** (awarely or unawarely). He did wonderful things, too, and we had blissful moments, too. And I would rather remember him for these things than feel sick to my stomach thinking about how it didn't work despite the efforts we'd both attempted to put into it. "Everything happens for a reason." This may be an old chestnut, but hey it's true. I guess I'm just very happy with my life now, that I wouldn't want it any other way. But you know what, part of me will always have this genuine concern for the first man I ever loved. His existence in my life albeit relatively short (precisely three and a half years), has contributed to what I am today, and I will always be thankful for that. I sincerely wish him the same magnificence that I'm experiencing right now. We'd shared with each other our secrets and fears and hopes and dreams. I may not articulate them, and I may forget praying for him when I talk to God ('coz my dreams and thank you's just eat up all of my airtime with God), but I do hope that in his own time and pace he would be able to have everything his heart desires; overcome each fear he has; find someone real (not that I wasn't; we were just not compatible) and new to share more of his secrets with; and someone to build new dreams with.

As for me, I'm content with what I've got for I'm in love again. In love with the life I have. In love with my dreams. In love with the blessings I receive each day. Today I've decided I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'm not in search of someone new to love 'coz truly, I believe that if it's meant for you, you don't really have to break a sweat to have it. In God's perfect time, I know I'll meet the right one for me. But for now, let me enjoy each moment with full knowledge that none of it will happen the same way again.

I'm really jaded-- I mean, attending to my ojt requirements and stuff plus "worrying" about my thesis, who wouldn't be? Well actually, the ojt thingie is not so bad 'coz I already transferred to Tita Raine's branch so I get to do just light chores-- like, I'd do some excel stuff (and Friendster on the side, hehe when she's not looking!) But I still do filing from time to time, especially awhile ago 'coz Tita Raine's notebook was busted. Actually, it's not so easy havin' Tita Raine for my supervisor. Now I'm more worried about the evaluation. She's one helluva perfectionist! And that's certainly bad news!!!

Re. Tita Raine's busted laptop: Geez, what am I gonna use to do my thesis? I guess what's really makin' me feel quite uneasy is yet again, my "beloved" thesis. Haha, I actually used the term "beloved". Parang patay 'no?! Well, sana nga mamatay na lang 'yung mga professors na pahirap. Oops. One of my blockmates (a square certainly) might read this, and make me sumbong. Oh no! Hehe Bet they don't even have their own online journals 'coz their too busy studying for the comprehensive exam. Hey you, that wuz a figure of speech, okay? Well you probably think I'm such a demon. Don't get me wrong, okay? I don't hate everybody from my block. In fact, I've got friends from there-- those whom I know aren't choochoos and crabs.

Change topic. As far as I'm concerned, this entry's title is "See You in Bora!"

...okay, as the saying goes, "Paglipas ng bagyo, darating din ang araw!" Oops, may ganon ba? Okay, nag-imbento na naman ako! Well, the only thing that drives me to do my chores now is the FACT that on the 28th, I'm flyin' to Boracay with the man--the only man--I love!!! How romantic! Just the two of us on the beach.

This weekend, I intend to do my thesis so that by next week, I'd finally be able to submit it. I just hope my "beloved" thesis adviser finally signs it. Oh gee, I can't go to Bora havin' that crap in mind. I'd go crazy.

Well, I'm so lookin' forward to visitin' paradise. It's gonna be my first time there, and I'll be with my prince!!! Perfect!
[img:510720]
[img:510720]

[img:459275]

I've been having the so-called compulsive shopper's syndrome attack!!! Well, it's in the Synopsis of Psychiatry 9th Edition, but I forgot what exactly they call it. But, I'm sure y'all can relate to what I'm talking about. Y'know that syndrome, which doesn't make you stop buying and buying stuff until you barely have cab money left in your purse? Or if you brought your car, parking money?

The whole week, all I've been doing is shop, shop, shop. Soon, I'll run out of cash.

Yesterday, mah hunny and I went to Megamall. We had this cute zip-up sweater reserved in Oxygen Mega since they did not have Carlo's size in the Greenhills branch when we went there last Monday. Anyways, we picked it up yesterday.. and guess what, Carl found this really cute shirt and bought it! Hi Tita Lisa (Carl's mum)!!! Your kid's been spending a fortune here in the Philippines lately. Hehe Nah, just kidding. Actually, it's really a good thing that Carl opted to buy clothes here instead of shopping in the States 'coz the stuff here are cheaper plus the stores have Carl's size.

By the way, from the start I was excited to go to Megamall 'coz I wanted to buy a new zip-up sweater. I was "infatuated" with the pink one I found at Bayo. But I got a bit turned off 'coz it was kinda loose in the armholes. Then while I was scanning the racks of Bayo, I found a really cute denim jacket on their "mannequin". I tried it on, and it fit me so well. I fell in love with it! Okay, I'm wearing it now! I still intend to buy a sweater, but I'll have to figure something out first.

By the way, I already informed Tito Roland of the Havianas that I want. Which reminds me.. would Carl and I still push through with our Bora trip? Beats me.

I had a blast yesterday.. Carlo and I were supposed to go to Glorietta when we decided to head for Greenhills instead. I bought two baby tees-- one of which I intend to bring to THE SHOP WITH NO NAME (in Galleria) to customize. I found this really pretty designer top in a magazine, which I wanna imitate. Well, at least I can modify it a bit so it'd better suit my taste. I also bought 2 cute undies. One of 'em had the statement "BIG FLIRT" in front, and "(But not when my boyfriend is looking)" at the back. Haha


I visited THE SHOP WITH NO NAME last weekend, and was supposed to buy a pair of jeans, which I wanted to put iron-on stuff or beads on. But the jeans they had there didn't fit me quite well, so I ended up buyin' from People are People.

I bought another cute [gimmick material] top at Carlo's favorite store. In fact, I'm already wearing it now.

I guess what's missing in my wardrobe is one sweater and one [smart casual] cardigan. The sweater I bought at Shop@TheFort about a year ago got stained in the laundry, while my black cardigan, which my dad gave me shrunk in the washing machine. Great!

Oh, I remember.. my favorite jeans which I got from Heaven Sent Bazaar last year has been missing in action. I better find it soon. Why am I suddenly making an inventory of the things I have in my wardrobe instead of talking about how my day went, and how I feel about it?!

Okay let's discuss my current emotional state! Actually, I'm not sure how I feel. Carl and I are together right now, but in a few hours he's gonna drop me off at my place already, which is not such a wonderful thing. It's so darned difficult to sleep without him by my side. No shit!

There're times when I can't stop thinkin' of Carl, that if he asked me to marry him, I'd say a big exciting "yes" right there and then. But there're also times when I freakin' hate him that I feel like crushing his balls, and hangin' his dick on the wall for all the world to see. It really ticks me off everytime he promises to come at a certain time then I'd wait for hours, and he wouldn't arrive. Then I'd call him, and discover that he actually fell asleep. Doing it once.. even twice, is quite forgivable. But, over five times? Shit! That's ALREADY not funny!!!

Yesterday I hated him to death, I was breakin' up with him already. I knew it wasn't merely one of those pseudo-breakups we usually have because I felt that I couldn't stand him anymore, and imagining a lifetime with him was ridiculous.

Well, according to Carl, his constant "sleeping on me" is totally not intentional. So what is he then? Some narcoleptic piece of crap? Sometimes, I feel that maybe, I'm boring him that sleeping in his nook is way more fun than hangin' with me at the mall for a few hours or something. But, I realized he still loves me when he begged on his knees.. he even cried like some hungry toddler, (Lamo yun? Yung himihikbi-hikbi pa?), insisting that he never intends to do it it's just that he just falls asleep. Ah ewan! Well, I have to admit I was having the time of my life while he was crying. Haha, Sadista ba?!

Anyway, in case you (reader) are curious about what I feel about Carl right now, I LOVE HIM! 'Cuz we're together. Well, I love him ONLY UNTIL HIS NEXT MISADVENTURE.

Some people (like my best friend, Anj) think I'm quite lucky that that's my only problem with Carl.. I mean, they say na at least si Carl hindi nambababae o kaya lasinggero, et cetera et cetera Well, I acknowledge him for his good traits naman eh. Like, he spoils me like a baby and stuff.. he's real sweet and everything. I guess, if there's one lesson I've learned from this relationship, it's that no guy is perfect. Well, some may seem "perfect", but there'll always be a catch!

After everything that happened since Tuesday-- The fight between Carl and I, my going to Kuya Jack's house, my going back to Carl's house to pick up my stuff, my visit to the Medico Legal and the Barangay Hall on Peralta Street Sta. Mesa-- I still love Carlo with all my heart and soul. And, I have forgiven him already just as he has forgiven me.

We're secretly back together, and I know it's a bit too complicated that way. But, you see I'm willing to take the risk (I mean there's a possibility that my dad, mom and Kuya Jack hate me for this). I love Carl, and I believe in the goodness that lies in his heart. If there's somebody who knows Carlo in and out, that's me.

One mistake cannot outweigh the wonderful things that we've shared throughout the 11 months that Carl and I have been together. He's been so good to me. I believe that he has shown me such genuinely unconditional love. I'm willing to give our love another chance, and Carl's willing to do the same.

I just can't throw away all the dreams we've made together just because of one stupid mistake. Carl and I will face the odds together. Knowing that his love for me has never changed is quite enough to keep me hanging on.

We'll hold each other's hands, and in time, everything will be okay!

I LOVE HIM!

This Christmas could probably be considered as one of the simplest ever—from the food we had for Noche Buena to the gifts I received. But I truly consider this a very special Christmas because not only was I able to spend it with Angel and Noel, but also because it is my first Christmas with Carlo, as my boyfriend.

The feeling is indescribable. I mean all of a sudden I feel that life is worthwhile because somebody needs me, and loves me for who I am—no ifs, no buts.

Now I don’t feel so alone anymore. He made me realize that it’s not wrong to feel upset over what other people think and say about me. He also made me realize how beautiful a person I am inside—that I’m not always what others say I am. Whenever I think about it, I still cannot believe it. Suddenly, there’s somebody who really values how I feel, and treats me in such a special way. It’s amazing how he manages to be there for me whether rain or shine. He never makes me feel that he’s too busy to be there for me. Indeed, the feeling’s indescribable!

I honestly feel that I’d be utterly lost without him. Carl’s leaving for the States either last week of January or early February. I told him I wouldn’t go with him to the airport anymore ‘coz I might not be able to stand seeing him walk away. I know. When people read this, they’d probably think I’m being so melodramatic! Carlo always tells me to be strong for him when he’s in the States, and not to cry so much ‘coz he’ll just be gone for a while(?). He even tells me, that it’s not like he’d be dead already.

I wish we’d both be serious about waiting for each other. It certainly won’t be easy for us both. But knowing that we’re doing some sacrifices now for a lifetime of togetherness just makes me want nothing more. One day, Carl and I will be reunited—in a place where no one would judge us, a place where everybody would be happy for our love. The road may be rough now, but our vision is enough for us to hang on.

Years from now, I’d flip through the pages of my journal, stumble upon this entry when I can finally smile, look beside me, and see that my dreams have finally come true.

One day to go and it's Christmas eve already. I remember just like it was yesterday, how excited I was over Christmas eve. Waiting for the time to pass seemed like an eternity.. I would find myself sitting beside the Christmas tree, counting my gifts endlessly, as if I was worried someone might steal some of 'em. Haha.

Well it's different now that I'm 21. Actually, I've been in denial eversince I learned about Carlo's leaving this January.

I'm supposed to be happy 'coz it's my very first Christmas with Carlo, as my boyfriend. But everytime I realize that after Christmas, I'll have no choice but to watch the time tick away.. Carlo's cruisin' over to the States, and is gonna stay there for good. It's inevitable. I'm certainly gonna miss him. But I wanna be strong 'coz that's what Carlo wants me to do.

Awhile ago Carlo and I were in Tapa King in Boni (Yeah we've been trying stuff in their "Tapa Kingdom" since the other night..), and he was telling me about his plans when he gets to the States. He wants to get me after 3 years so we can start a family already or somethin'. Honestly I'm not really sure if I wanna have a baby already by then. Well but I can't wait to see "Juami", our little boy, running around the house. Haha, it's crazy that we already thought of a name for the baby we haven't even started "assembling" yet! Whatever! All I'm certain about is that I absolutely wanna move in with him in 3 years whether here in Manila or in New York.. it's up to him. Gee I'm so in love wit him.

Apparently, things are not gonna be exactly the same when Carlo comes back in 3 years. We'd probably struggle a bit in making adjustments. I, too, would probably change remarkably. Well, I hope we'd both have the patience to adjust to each other.

WAIT!!! I'VE LOST MY MOMENTUM! Carlo is right beside me now, making plans for our Boracay trip January coming. He's so annoying he keeps on asking me which airline I wanna take, or if I just wanna take Super Ferry instead.. ang kulit, parang lolo!!! Not that I'm not excited at all! I am.. but I'm just not in the mood to plan ahead. I'm not the type who takes plans seriously. I believe I'm the backpacker type! Hehe, whatever!

Speaking of Bora.. I have a not-so-sexy tummy, but I don't care so much anymore.. Carlo loves me despite that.

And I already bought my guy 2 gifts... a necklace and a german shepherd pup (not the real one), which he can bring to the States in January... Angel helped me choose the best pup...